THE PIRATE’S COOKBOOK
Three crew, fifteen days—and the disappearing doughnuts
So, you’re going out to sea, hey? Load up the groceries—and apparently demolish the goodies as soon as you get aboard. That pack of doughnuts is already a day old. We can’t just abandon it. 😂
On a more serious note, as a deckhand-cook I like to shop generously, especially when it comes to goodies for the crew. You’re feeding people for a whole shift, and the snacks deserve a place on the list too.
Three guys. Fifteen days. Forty-five meals.
For this trip, I was planning breakfast, lunch and dinner for three guys over fifteen days. That’s 45 meals to prepare for the crew, or 135 individual servings, before anyone opens the snack cupboard.
| The plan | For this shift |
|---|---|
| Crew | 3 people |
| Time aboard | 15 days |
| Breakfasts | 15 meals × 3 people = 45 servings |
| Lunches | 15 meals × 3 people = 45 servings |
| Dinners | 15 meals × 3 people = 45 servings |
| Extras | Snacks, crew favourites and a sensible buffer |
My starting point is three meals a day, plenty of rice and other staples, snacks—and then another look at the snacks. Personal essentials, including any regular medication, belong on your packing checklist too.
Enter the Curse of the Deckhand
This trip, we had complications with our grocery order: a mix-up on a crew boat. Fucking classic Curse of the Deckhand, hey? You can have your meals planned and still find the groceries have an adventure of their own.
The lesson worth putting on the checklist: check what’s already aboard, confirm what’s been ordered, and make sure the bags are headed to the right boat. A mountain of groceries is only useful if it arrives with you.
The good meat gets an early booking
Once I’m aboard, I think about the order I’ll cook things in. Personally, I like to cook the best, most expensive meat first. I bought something good, and I want to enjoy it fresh rather than put it straight in the freezer.
That’s my preference for planning the menu; freshness and proper storage still come before price. The rest of the shift needs a plan too, with food stored appropriately until it’s needed.
Load up—with a plan
Start with the crew count and the days away. Build the meals, combine the ingredients into your shopping list, and leave room for the things the crew actually enjoys. Match the extra supplies to the storage you have.
🏴☠️ Forty-five meals planned. Doughnut survival time: uncertain.
Feed the crew, remember the goodies, and check which boat they’re on. That last part apparently matters.
Illustration: an imagined boat-provisioning scene.
