GRIFTER’S TALES
Candy, crew comforts, and the great ranch debate
“Oh my God, where’s the ranch?”
“Holy fuck, do we have a lot of ranch.”
Two phrases you hear far too often among pirates. Oh, sorry—mariners. 😂
Somebody is always forgetting something. And when they do, oh boy, are they going to hear about it. Forget the thing somebody was looking forward to, and suddenly your packing skills are everybody’s business.
So keep an eye out for buried treasure along the way—and for God’s sake, pack your bags properly.
Every sailor has their treasure
For me, it’s candy. Somebody else might want books or a LEGO set. For another person, it’s smokes. For somebody else, it might be something as simple as their favourite hot sauce.
We all have those little things we want with us on a shift. You might not understand why somebody cares so much about one particular bottle of sauce, but you’ll understand pretty quickly when it isn’t there.
Know what you like. Make sure you’ve got it. And pay attention to what the crew likes, too.
The Great Ranch Inventory
Before the bags are packed and the shopping is done, a little checking can save a lot of commentary later. What’s already aboard? What’s running low? Has somebody else already bought it?
Otherwise, you end up with the two classic options: no ranch, or enough ranch to make you wonder whether somebody’s opening a salad bar.
🏴☠️ The pirate’s comfort check
Your favourite treat? Packed.
Something to enjoy in your downtime? Sorted.
The crew’s favourites? Checked.
Ranch situation? Under investigation.
Pack for yourself. Think about the crew.
That’s my point: the little comforts matter when you’re away working. Bring yours, learn what everyone else appreciates, and don’t leave it all to somebody else to remember.
My treasure is candy. Yours might be a book or a bottle of hot sauce. Just make sure it actually makes it into the bag.
Illustration: an imagined galley scene inspired by the great ranch debate.
